Thursday, October 04, 2007
WE ARE BLOGGING WE ARE BLOGGING
Monday, April 09, 2007
The Sopranos are Back, and Toni Soprano is a PUNK BITCH
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
24 (The Show)
The Greatest Invention Ever
how many time do i have to go around someone that is in the left lane on the highway on the phone. i mean FUCK people stay the fuck off the phone when driving you are not skilled enough to do both. the worst thing so far i have seen is an asshole in a pickup truck in the left lane that had at least 20 cars in tow, (and of course i was # 20) and when i finally caught up to him to pass! He had the newspaper open on the phone with a cigarette in his mouth. i god if there was anyone that needed to be killed it was that mother fucker.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
The "LOST" Update
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
what the hell is up
OK so the fucking cold has to go. by balls are like raisens and i dont want to go outside. i start a diet 3 weeks ago and i dont know how the fuck i am doing because my god dam scale says "E" when i get on the mother fucker. so yes i get it i have a lot of weight to lose. i dont need you fuckers commenting to that effect. i hope everyone out there in blogger land is well and like this new Google blogger crap me i could not give a rats ass one way or the other.
so for now i will say goodbye and i will try and type soon.
Friday, January 05, 2007
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE
Monday, November 13, 2006
The Poker Gods Suck
A Note on Message Boards
HEY, GUESS WHO'S BACK
Friday, July 28, 2006
Thursday, July 13, 2006
OK Here is My Backyard
Ok I found the backyard pics, AND yes I know the grass is not mowed but these were taken the day we got back from the cruise. Since these have were taken I did mow the grass. Now you all tell me, if you had put the time, money(a lot of it), and sweat to make your backyard look like this wouldn't you want to have parties all the time??? Please let me know what you think.
The Guest List
My Rebuttal to Chelle Comment
I have pics of the backyard id you want to see them???
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
The Smoking Thing
P.S. I still do not smoke nor do I plan to start again I just thought it was an eye opener to my wife's bitching and nagging.
The (UN) Social capped Crusader Strikes Again
(What everyone who is reading this has to understand is, I don't know that many people in the first fucking place. Even if I invited everyone I considered a friend and would want to be at the party, there would only be 50 to 60 people, and that number includes about 22 kids with ages from 6 months to 10 years old. Take into consideration that normally you have between 20 to 30 percent that RSVP that they cant make it for whatever reasons, that leaves 42 people total with kids. I also know that unfortunately my cousin maybe away the week, and there are 5 people in his family, my other friend will be on his honeymoon that's another 3, my other friend just had knee surgery and most likely won't make it that's another 3, my brother-in-law will be out on his boat that's another 2, my niece and her future husband will be working on their house that's another 2, and I can think of 2 families that even if I invite them probably would not come because of the amount of kids they have that's another 10. So how many does that make total 27 people out of 60 and I have not even set anything in stone yea, and I am down half of the total number of people)
so I told the Social capped Crusader that I did not want to talk about it any more and I just wanted to finish putting up the net for volleyball court. We were in the garage at the time I brought the whole Aug. 12 party thing in the first place. So she went in the house and I finished putting up the net. I came inside and started cooking diner for myself it was about 7PM at this point. Since I got home at 5PM I ran to Sears to get hardware for the net and I got 4 bags of weed and feed for the grass, can back from Sears and put down the weed & feed, mounted the hardware onto the poles for the net, set up the net with the rest of the hardware, and installed the net to its proper height. Ok, so back to cooking myself diner in the kitchen, she comes in and starts the nagging once more, and she is saying things like: "we spent a lot of money over the last few months and I don't know if we could afford to have it", and "why are you yelling at me", oh, and my personal favorite (David Lettermann's top 10 list is going off in my head, "here are the top 10 reasons Steve should not have a party on Aug. 12", and the NUMBER ONE REASON IS: "what happens if it rains" DA DAT DAE DA DA DA DA DADADADA, tonight on the program we have Bruce Willis, and Katie Holmes.
why am I yelling will I don't know "BOB" lets see maybe because I told you I did not want to talk about it anymore and you came back in the kitchen to crusade some more about why I want to have it, or maybe its because you say something like we may not be able to afford it because of the money we spent over the last few months, but YET we just got back Saturday the 8th from a 3K cruise. If money was tight why the hell did we go on vacation? Maybe because you wanted to, I would have been fine spending the week in our backyard in our NEW pool, but no someone want to go away. Since it was you and not me that wanted to go away we COULD afford it, but now we can't afford hamburgers, hot dogs, soda, and beer for a party at our house. Even when you know that everyone is going to ask what can they bring. But maybe, just maybe, it's because I am so amazed at the stupid shit you would say to me just to try and convince me not to have a party like: "what happens if it rains" like you except me to be able to forecast the weather over 4 weeks in advance. I have news for you honey the fucking weather people can't even forecast the fucking weather 2 days in advance, and you want four weeks out of me!
so I could not take it anymore and had to walk away before I grabbed a pack of smokes and started chain smoking the rest of the night. Did I mention I quit smoking on June 1st 2006, but that is a whole other story (see above).So I look forward to your comments and your feedback on this one. Is my wife a social person or is she the killer of fun and happiness? The destroyer of backyard fun, IS SHE: THE SUMMER PARTY KILLER!!!!!!!!
Please cast your vote now?????
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
OK, I AM BACK
In case anyone is wondering we were on NCL Dawn out of Manhattan. It was awesome to be able to drive to the ship, park, and then drive home and not have to get on a plane. I really hate flying after all the 9/11 false sense of security bullshit. My wife was not to bad she definlly had her moments but all in all I give her a 7 on my fun meter this trip. She did say something that had me cracking up inside, she said: "she was a very social person", which if you know my wife need I say more. OK I will, LOL, my wife is the type of person who tells me IF you meet a couple on vacation and you spend a lot of time with them on the trip that's ok, but when the vacation ends you don't exchange info even if they live 10 minutes from your house. She is also the type to put limits on the number of people I want to have over for a SUMMER party. I would lets say want to ask a total of 15 to 20 people and she would start telling me right from the start "WHY DO I HAVE TO INVITE SO MANY PEOPLE", she thinks 2-4 people is more then enough. We all know that just because you invite that many does not mean all will come. They may have plans already or they may be on vacation the weekend or they may just not want to come, but my wife does not see it that way. Keeping in mind we have a fairly large house (3200 SQFT) and live on a half acre of land with a 24X40 built-in pool and a Beach Volleyball court. My wife looks at the whole thing as a lot of work and to much running around, she complains to me about how much cleaning has to be done, and how much money its going to cost and all the kids that are going to be running through the house and the mess that comes with them. I say you only live once and you can't worry about bullshit like that. Why did we spend all that money in getting our house and yard looking that way, and the fact that my wife really does not play volleyball who did she expect me to play with????? I mean I am not inviting over strangers, its not like I am putting a sign on the ultility poles for the hole world to come to an open house kegger. I am inviting friends and family, go figure. Also just about everytime I want to call friends to get together she makes a face and does not look that interested, but she claims to be a social person, go figure.
Friday, June 30, 2006
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
G-Mans Final Table Goal
OK, yes it is a GAME some people even call it a sport, and as games go its not one that is widely accepted in society. But keep a thing or two in mind before you start judging this "sport." One: no one has ever died while playing it, two: it has never insighted an riots where life and property were destroyed, three: its a game/sport that you don't have to be a freak of nature to play, its not just a sport for the top 1% of the world. Anyone can sit down and play, winning is a whole different story, four: its virtually corruption and rig free unlike all of the main stream sports play today, Five: there are no owners, managers, PR people, or contracts to Negotiate, and for the most part players are for the most part humbled to make a final table, hence the no corruption. And six: there are a lot of very very smart people that play this game we are talking MIT graduates, Mathematician, accounts, bankers, doctors, and patient attorneys. These are just a few of the obvious reasons why playing this game is not as mindless and pointless as people think. Is it safe to say that PLAYING Texas holdem is 10 times more stimulating for the mind then someone sitting down and watching baseball or football games all day long? Someone that remembers the stats of all the players in any sport is kind of useless, unless you are on a game show or playing a sports trivia game? Unless your are betting an the game the winner has no bearing on one's life, but yet people that are that obsessed with the game will argue and fight over their favorite teams. There are people that make there living on betting on sports games, and why is it totally acceptable for a person/family to take a vacation to Vegas or AC and lose anywhere from $100 to hundreds of thousands and we joke and laugh about it, but if someone plays poker when they are not at a casino it is not socially accepted. For the most part it is a hobby, and the people that play derive somekind of pleasure from it. Why is that any different from someone who collects stamps, bird watches, bowls, or goes camping for their pleasure???
On the flip side there is an opposition factor and a monetary factor that can wreak havoc on one's life and marriage, but it is no different then someone obsessed with any other hobby or sports or sports betting hobby they are involved with.
What The Fuck is Wrong With People!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok I had to vent that out of my system. I wish I was a cop, I would have pulled the bitch over so fast and given her every ticket I had left.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
THE BITCH SLAPPING AT FOXWOODS
then we gave up on tournament tables (at least I did) and played on a 2/4 limit table. That I have to say was a lot of FUN. I cant wait to do that again. Even thought there were multiple SHITHEADS at the table, if you lost it was not for a lot of money and you did not have to leave the table, which made the losing part OK in some warped kinda way. There was this really fat guy seating in seat 5 and he said he has been there since Saturday morning, now considering at the time he told us this it was about and he has been there for 18 hours straight, and just 6 hours prier to him saying that a shuttle bus drive told us a story about the crazy fuckers that would actually PISS IN their pants and all over the chair and floor (TRUE STORY TOLD TO US BY THE BUS DRIVER)at the tables. We just looked at each other and started to laugh our asses off for about 60 seconds, but it was at that moment that I had realized that I was the shithead sitting to the right if this fat fuck ( and for all that know me he was big then I was)lucky we did not smell anything all night. But the kicker to the "piss" story the bus driver told us that all management did was call over to maintance and have them clean it up and disinfect the mess, and have a chair waiting when they got up. The management would not even ask them why on earth they did it. I am sure their answer would be "If I left to use the restroom I might have missed a good hand that was dealt to me, now get me another scotch and soda biatch. HERE is the real kicker the bus driver told us that the casino would throw them out on there ass at that point, but they would in fact throw you out if you high five someone at the blackjack table. Is that not a kick in the ass.
so there was a Russian at the table and apparently he has been there for awhile and everytime someone new came to the table the big fat guy would ask them where they were from. You see the fat guy was from Boston, Mass and everytime someone would see at the table he would begin to tell the his whole fucking story (like any of us give a flying fuck) so the Russian after being there for 4 to 8 hours himself finally could not take it anymore when G_man and I sat down and after about 15 minutes he starting asking us where we were from. In the middle of his question the Russian cut him off and starting saying "oh no, no more with that fucking story I cant take it anymore, always with that dam story" keep in mind he has a thick Russian accent. I could not help to thing about the movie "Rounders" and KGB at the table with Matt Damon "THIS FUCKING GUY ALWAYS WITH THE "CHECK CHECK CHECK" HE TRAPPED ME" Again G_Man and I bust out laughing and start saying KGB's line in the movie. Which at that point everyone startlaughing including the dealer. It was a very funny moment,fuck it, I guess you had to be there.
WPT Final Table
P.S. For the people how know this joke: "I was in this tournement and I came in 28th place it cost me $407 dollars and I only walked away with $16,000 in 23 days". KILL THIS FUCKER RIGHT KNOW DON'T LET HIM SPEAK ANYMORE, AND BURN HIS BRIGHT YELLOW CASINO SHIRT UNTIL THERE IS NOTHING LEFT.
OK, I AM BACK
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Friday, February 17, 2006
The Olympics, Judging & Competitors
But I have to say that all the subjective judging in every event really sucked this Olympics. I watched Shaun White in the Half-pipe competition, and though I think he is a fanomal snowboarded I don't think he should have got Gold with his second qualifying run. The mogul event was cool to watch like most of the events, but I don't think the guy who got Gold really had the best run. In my opinion the adopted Koran kid from the USA had a better run, and what I mean by that is his run had more difficult tricks off BOTH jumps, and his knees were perfect. While the kid who won did a bullshit back flip for gold on the first jump. When the Koran kid did that trick in his qualifying run.
Oh another thing, I think the black trash guy that one the gold in speed skating IS A FUCKING NO CLASS SHITHEAD, and should have his medal taken away for being a NO CLASS SHITHEAD. Its people like that is why a lot of black people don't get the respect they so desperately want. That fucking guy shows up and starts tell his teammates and the press that he does not care about anyone but himself because of what it took to get his self there, and that for him there is an "I" in "TEAM". They interview his mother and she start saying "oh I have to fight with the whole skating commission to get my son what he deserved. Then he wins the gold and in his first interview comes off with an attitude that you just wanted to punch him in his fucking face. I don't want to use the "N" word, but I have to say that is the first thing that cane to mind when I saw him in his interview after he won the gold medal. He is a straight-up piece of black trash, and does not deserve to be an Olympic Gold medalist representing the USA in it's purest form.
One final note the girl who lost the gold in the snowboard cross, SUCKS. She deserves all the shit she is going to get for the rest of her life. She had to show off at the end, and then she lied twice about it. The fact that she lied is why I have no remorse for her. Even the guy from the USA who won the men's Gold in that event said she was stupid to do that bullshit trick at the end.
The only pure sports out there are sports that put you up against the clock. The clock never lies and is not subjective, and not open to interpretation. PURE The Down hill was the best event going, all though I have to say I was happy to see Bode Miller fall flat on his ass in the first 3 events. I have not seen the other 2 yet, and the other US skier that one the Gold in slolem should be and inspiration to us all to never give up.
THE OLYMPICS IS SO 70s, ITS ALL ABOUT THE OPENING CEREMONY. I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT IS STILL DONE IN THE 21st CENTURY.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
February Poker Night
So now that the Gambler has doubled up he has become a player in the tournment. Before that I had like 300K and he had like 60K with 4 people playing and the blinds at 10 & 20K it was just a matter of time before he would get blinded out. BUT now he was a player that could threaten the other players. About 5-6 hands later I get pocket 6s in the big blind he is in the small blind and calls. I raise 50K he calls flop comes 5,5,3 and he checks. I raise another 50K and he calls, turn is a 5 giving me a full boat. I noticed he only had like 50K left so I put him all in think he is going to fold. He called and turns over K,4 (I am thinking to myself what was he thinking) and needs a K and a K only to beat me. The river comes and sure as FUCKING SHIT it is a K. So I double him up to like 200K and I am fucking steaming but not bad enough to start making bad decisions. So about 8 hands later I am down to about 110- 150K realizing that I am getting shit cards and I went from the chip leader to a player that is about to get blinded out of the game. When I am big blind and get dealt K,4 and everyone folded except the Riverer called because he was small blind so I knock the table and we are off to the flop. Flop comes 9,9,4 and the Riverer in his usual faction checks it to me. I in-turn (thinking if he had anything he would have raised)went all in. To my SURPRISE he FUCKING CALLED ME. The first think I say to him even before he flipped over his " you got the 9 right?" he says "no, K,8" and again I am FUCKING THINKING to myself "what the was he thinking calling me". NOW had I realized then what I FUCKING know now (that I am the most unluckest FUCK on the planet) his call would have made perfect sense. Because yes as you guessed it my Brother-in-law aka The Riverer catches a FUCKING 8 at the river to knock me out of my own tournment, NO MONEY AGAIN.
If I was not there I would have not believed it but it really happened, and what makes this story really bad is that it happened to me and not someone else. Until next time, oh one more note I forgot to mention: this was the first time The Riverer ever played in a live structured Texas holdem poker tournment, and he went on to win the whole thing.
Friday, February 03, 2006
The show "LOST" is lost
The monster is a joke the people are all shitheads (except for Hurley) they all have issues about being themselves. You and I both know the best charater on the fucking shitty show is Hurley. He is the only one that has not had an agenda. He's worth 156mil and he is a really nice guy. I think the needs a lot of help I am hearing a lot of people feel this way.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Pink and I Agree
Here is an ex: You come to a stop sign and CHOSE not to stop. now the consequences of the single act maybe nothing, but the fact that you CHOSE to run the stop sign gets you to the next stop sign approximately 10 seconds faster then you would have if you had stopped. Now at this one you choice to stop look both ways and continue on with your day. Unfortunately at the exact time you are crossing through the intersection a driver in a car has made there CHOICE to not stop. Resulting in a drivers side collision crippling you for life.
Now, you may think that this happened because some asshole ran the stop sign, but in fact it is your fault that you are in the situation you are in. The CHOICE you made not 5 minutes before this happened changed your life forever. No hinesight being 20/20 you would have told yourself if you had stopped at the stop sign before you would have got to the next one 10 seconds later in which the car that ran that one would be going threw the intersection as you were rolling up to the white bar.
So the coding that Rudy is talking about is false. I am not saying that DNA and RNA do not exist, they do, but has nothing to do with the point I was trying to make early.
P.S. I know I will probably get shit over my EX., but I am not saying that the second driver that ran the stop sign is at fault. They are but I was just using it as an example of the choices we make everyday in life and how the effect us in the long run. Like lets say you are delayed in buying a lotto ticket because you decided to go a different way to the place you get your ticket. Then you find out the person that was on line before you won the big jackpot. You choosing to go a different way caused you to get there 1 minute later that in-turn cost you winning lotto.
one more thing please don't think I am going through life with this on my mind all the time. However what I said can not be denied, and DNA and RNA have nothing to do with that. That has to the with the choices we make and the destiny that comes because of that choice.
Howard Stern, Censorship, and Uncle Sams Boot
Let's face it we are living in a police state people. Basic physiology tells us the more you suppress something the more it want to get out and exist. Stop the madness don't let the government take over our rights and freedoms.
Tell those Bible Belt, against abortion right fuckers to stop trying to change the world to something it could NEVER be, and to stay the fuck out of the lives of women they don't even know and have never met. They have there reasons and that is all that matters.
The humor in all of this is: in a 100 years who is going to give a shit, because those people would have never know what it was like to make there own chooses in live.
AND, HEY, UNCLE SAM DO ME AND THE REST OF THE COUNTRY A FAVOR. GET YOU BOOT OUT OF OUR ASS'S THE MAGERTY OF US DON'T LIKE WHEN YOU TRY AND STICK SHIT IN THERE, BECAUSE NORMAL WE ARE TRYING TO PUSH IT OUT AND ALL YOUR BOOT IS DOING IS GETTING IN THE WAY.
Blogger Spell Check Feature
And another thing (after running spell checker lol) can they just take out the "Learn" option. i must have clicked it 20 times already for the word "Blog" and spell checker still brings it up every fucking time. i swear that thing is worse then me at spelling, and that is sad.
The "Mule" is mad
This has been a public service announcement, which I am sure no one gives two shits, but the mule, I mean olive.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
And if any one is wondering the answer is YES I have been with a woman or two that shaved themselves completely clean. It was very disturbing to say the least. Call me old fashion, but I need a little hair down there.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
The Sperm Sample Story
So the whole drive over I am thinking I wonder how much cum they're going to need? I never gave a sample before! (visions of "ROAD TRIP" still dancing in my head) I couldn't stop thinking "boy I'm glad I didn't get the chance to rub one out in the last 2 days? Or was it 3, I can't remember. So as I park my car ,and started making way to what seemed like a long walk in the still blazing sun at 4pm to the front door, I notice with the wipe of my left hand little beads of sweat on my chin. So as I walk through the office door is seams much cooler almost safe to say that the A/C was on. As I glanced around the room I thought to myself that the decor was off a little bit, (visions of "ROAD TRIP" still kind of dancing in my head) I thought I was in the wrong place! It was a small waiting area that was about 20x16, with plan hard plastic chairs that were bolted together and then to the floor. The walls were a dirty white color, and the floor was the peal and stick vinyl kind. I noticed a sign that said "Enzi Labs" over a reception window, that looked like it belonged at a 24 hour Taco Bell joint.
So I see the receptionist and she tells me to have a seat. The visions of "ROAD TRIP" dancing in my head are now starting to fade away, but I'm still thinking there's got to be a plush room in the back with a hot Sperm Nurse (that's her title) is anxiously awaiting my arrival. Five minutes goes by then ten, then 15. 22 minutes in the lobby I hear something that should not be heard right before a man is about to rub one out in a cup.
And that is: "MOMMY I NEED SOMETHING TO DRINK" said the 3 year old girl to her mother in a very loud but very whinny voice. Yes everyone there's a 3 year little girl with her very very heavy set and unattractive (NON MILF) mother now sitting in the lobby. I kept thinking, "why is she even here, and why would she bring her little girl to a place like this? About 4 minutes later I heard my name being called as the tops of double split doors swung open (picture the Wizard Of Oz) and I see 3, not one but 3, count them, one, two, three, very HOT, very young (24ish), very amazingly sexy, Nurses. So up I jumped, and skipped over to MY three very young hot Nurses for what I thought (HEY!!! A MAN CAN DREAM)might be a 4 way. At the same time the panic button had been set off inside me, and by the time I got to the doors the sweat on my chin had returned, because all I could think about is I really have to FILL THIS CUP, as not to embarrass myself in front of these HOT CHICKS. "Are you Bluto?” one of them asked, "why yes I am". "Great, please sign here and initial here" she says, so I do it, "OK thanks and here's your cup, the bathroom is over there, as she points to the waiting room restroom”. Yes, I know where the restroom is" I said I don't have to go now. Well she starts to tell me how that's where I'm going to "extract" (RUB ONE OUT) the sample. I said “are you kidding me", "no" she says, ”yes you are" I said. Wait!!! "Don’t you have like a special room in the back with DVDs, magazines, and a girl that can hit the "SPOT" if I need her to"? She says "Oh no we're not that kind of place we're just a Lab". OK, it was at that moment in time I realized what the mule was trying to tell me by saying it was just a LAB. It was also around that time I realized that the A/C was not on and it was just way cooler inside then the 89 degrees it was outside.
So being the STUD (in my mind) that I think I am. I make my way over to the LOBBY restroom. I can see the little 3 year old girl in the lobby throwing her juice container and running around to pick it up and doing it all over again. As I look across the room I notice there's only one door and all it says is "Bathroom". As I open this door I start to realize that not only has the "ROAD TRIP" vision left my head I'm realizing that I'm in HELL and the Mule put me here.
Because this bathroom was like the kind you find in a hospital room when you are checking in to a room because you need to stay overnight. It's very big very bright, and the walls are paper thin with nothing, but a bowl (with no lid) and a sink. So I start looking around for anything to base my "extraction" on, but there ain't a fucking thing, not a magazine, a book, hell I would have even taken a medical brochure at that point. There wasn't even a fucking poster on the wall with a girl on it, where’s a Budweiser poster when you need one. So the last image I have in my head of any female is the over weight lady in the lobby with her 3 year old girl throwing her bottle around.
There's not even a place to set any of the shit I have like the sperm cup, my tie, or the paper work the receptionist gave me. So five minutes go by my pants have fallen to the floor I'm leaning up against the wall with my left arm and working shit out of my Johnson with my right, and my dress shirt keeps getting in the way. So I’m pulling on my Johnson, slapping it around, rubbing my nuts. The whole time I'm trying to work the situation out in my head, "how the hell I'm I going to get this done"? I've been thinking about all the hot experiences I've had in my life time to get this fucking thing hard. I tried thinking about all the crazy times the Mule and I had crazy sex, but i was to pissed off at her because as far as i was concerned she was the DEVIL, because it's her fault I'm in this FUCKING mess. so move on to old girlfriends and I get to a point were I am starting to get a little lift off. All of a sudden out of no were and threw the paper thin walls I hear, "MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY", "I have to go potty". I had just got to a point where my hand could get a full stroke on my Johnson when torcher starts. First the door handle moves several times, next comes the incisive banging, which fucking echoed like being in the Grand fucking Canyon because the bathroom was so big. Now I didn't say a fucking word, I’m thinking maybe they'll be smart enough to realize that there's someone in the FUCKING bathroom? At this point I'm just trying to get this done I have been in there for what seemed like 2 hours (15 Min's) and I was just getting to the point where I might have to grab the cup. Now the knocks come again and again, the word "FUCK " is constantly being repeated in my head, because I start to feel my 93% Woody start to go soft, and if I don't say something I'm going to lose the whole fucking thing. So I shout "someones IN here", ”MOMMY, I HAVE TO GO POTTY MOMMY" I hear from the 3 year old RIGHT OUTSIDE THE FUCKING DOOR. "OK honey come here", there's silence for a moment and the knocks come harder and louder, and I know it’s the FUCKING fat Bitch that brought that little Monster. So I said it again (because i must have said it in Spanish the first time) "SOMEONE IS IN HERE, DAM", very sternly. Now she wants to have a full blow conversation on how much longer I think i will be? And in my life if you would have told me one day I would be in a bathroom, with DICK in hand, having a conversation with a fat ugly mother try to get her 3 year old daughter in to go POTTY!!! I would have said your CRAZY and bet the house on that and I would have lost. So the mother is telling me through the door "I think you've been in there long enough and what you are doing is RUDE", little did she know. so i say nothing and continue to jerk my Johnson, "do you know how much longer you're going to be?" she says, "A little while longer" I say, "well I have a little girl that have to go to the bathroom" she says, "I kinda of figured that" I say, "OK if you can please hurry" she says, "OK I'm trying" I said. NOW forgetting the fact that my fucking dick is as dead as a door nail by now! I have a bigger problems, at this point the fucking fat bitch and 3 year old are in my head, and there here to stay, and oh my DICK is all chafed and RED due to all the excessive jerking, and did I mention the soap in the bathroom was made of powder. So at that point I needed to sit down. So I take a seat on the bowl with no lid and I did what any man would have done by now. I rolled up my sleeves and started the whole process all over again. Fifteen minutes later I'm to the point that I'm going to blow, and at his point I don't even care about how much cum I get out let alone filling the fucking cup. I just wanted to get done and get the hell out of there. So here it comes all that work and it’s about to pay off, and BAM I get about three drops which most of I had to scrap off my shaft, but I didn't give a fuck at that point. I got my pathetic sample, and I just wanted to get the hell out of there.
So I start to clean up and realize I have been sweating so bad that my shirt was so drenched with sweat it's see through. So here I am walking out of the bathroom with a specimen cup that was still clear in color, my shirt soaking wet that you could see my nipples, one tail of it hanging out, and I'm beat red from the heat. As I opened the door I notice that the lobby has gotten full with people wait to give whatever the fuck they came there for, and the looks I'm getting from people would be enough to drive the sanest man straight to the bar.
I hand off my sample to the hot 24ish tech behind the Wizard of Oz doors, apologized for the peddle little amount I was able to muster up and ran the hell out of there. So the moral of this story is: never ever ever go to a FUCKING LAB to give a sperm sample. Always do the deed at home and bring it to them within one hour of "extraction", and you'll be much better off and would avoid all the therapy I needed after that very unforgettable day.
By the way it was like I said, I have” super sperm" and the problem lied with the mule.
I am an Uncle
Ok everyone I am an Uncle. His name is Alex and he is quite the little man. He loves to crawl and pull my hair.
He currently lives in PA and is almost 2 years old.