Thursday, October 04, 2007



OK, I FINALLY GOT INTO MY FUCKING BLOG PAGE. unfucking real so how is everyone doing. i am OK, the summer was really short which sucked shit. although i had a great summer party despite my wife's antics. i when to AC with G_man and had probably one of the funnest time i have ever had in my life. when on the NCL Spirit in July for a cruise to the Caribbean. i lost 50 lbs and still trying to lose more. my poker game is going strong. i had to go to two tables two months ago. So i will try and blog more.

Monday, April 09, 2007


The Sopranos are Back, and Toni Soprano is a PUNK BITCH

SOOOOO, how funny was Tony's ASS KICKING by his slower, fatter, and dumber solder. How funny was it when he told his sister "that wasn't all you were doing under the boardwalk", and then song the boardwalk song. So fucking funny, still think the last season is going to suck but it should be pretty funny.



Well i hope everyone had an enjoyable Easter. Mine was very nice my nephew came over on Saturday and slept over. we had an Easter egg hunt and eat a lot of candy. I cooked a turkey and stuffed it also. I know what you are thinking, i should have made a ham, but everybody was/is on a diet including me and we all thought the turkey would be healthier.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007


24 (The Show)

how bad has 24 gotten. it is so sad the after 6 years on the air they have not changed one thing. how easy was it to predicted that the STUPID Vice Prez was still going to launch the missile. how easy was it to know that Jack was going to land the drone plane, for which he never flown before in his life. what about how they accused the hot chick of being a traitor when we all know she is Innocent. my guess is the guy with the cast on his arm. And how fucking annoying is Cloe now, GOD i wish she would shout the fuck up already, or someone please kill her. OK the one surprise was Audrey is dead but who cares i hated her character last year, we all know the jack's brother's son is really his son, and he is going to start banging his sister-in-law by the end of the show. OH and we got a glimpse of next season to last night. Jack is going to back to China and find Audrey's killers (ya right). i guess it might make for better TV then the terrorist/nuke scenario that has been spoon fed to us for the last 3 seasons. ENOUGH ALREADY MOVE ON, and no more traitors in CTU our hiring practices cant be that stupid.


The Greatest Invention Ever

OK, i have the greatest idea ever!!!! I want to invent a device that is mandatory on all US cars, and installed by the factory. it is a device that blocks any cell signals from getting inside the cockpit of the car. so in order to use the phone you would have to pull over and put the car in park before the device would be disabled. additional for all you fuckers who are going to say "OH, but what if its an emergency, and I need to have the doctor or kids on the phone, because they are scared", or some BS like that. Well that's OK there will be a number that you will be routed through that you will have to pay by the minute. because if its a TRUE emergency you are not going to be talking that long and I am sure you won't mind paying 25 cents minute for a little piece of mind. if you do then tough shit pull over and put the car in park.



OK, i about had it with people and cell phones. what the fuck is going on with this world and fucking cell phones??????? i was at the movies on Saturday to see the movie ""300", great movie by the way", and there was a bitch 3 rows up from us that had to check her cell phone for messages about every 8 to 12 minutes. so she would open the phone and the lite would come on and i would have to look, because it was right in my visual sight of the screen. when is the FCC going to approve the use of signal blockers in areas that people should not be on the phone, god i want to hurt her.

how many time do i have to go around someone that is in the left lane on the highway on the phone. i mean FUCK people stay the fuck off the phone when driving you are not skilled enough to do both. the worst thing so far i have seen is an asshole in a pickup truck in the left lane that had at least 20 cars in tow, (and of course i was # 20) and when i finally caught up to him to pass! He had the newspaper open on the phone with a cigarette in his mouth. i god if there was anyone that needed to be killed it was that mother fucker.

Thursday, February 08, 2007


The "LOST" Update

Fuck LOST the new show to watch is Heroes. Did not watch lost last night, because my instincts say it is going to suck. that is why i put it off until tonight. but i will put an update in tomorrow after i watch it. everybody give up on LOST and become Heroes you will thank me in the long run lol.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007


what the hell is up

so i know i have not written in months but i am a busy fucking man lol. so how the hell is everyone doing. Chelle i everything is OK with you i have not heard back from you.

OK so the fucking cold has to go. by balls are like raisens and i dont want to go outside. i start a diet 3 weeks ago and i dont know how the fuck i am doing because my god dam scale says "E" when i get on the mother fucker. so yes i get it i have a lot of weight to lose. i dont need you fuckers commenting to that effect. i hope everyone out there in blogger land is well and like this new Google blogger crap me i could not give a rats ass one way or the other.

so for now i will say goodbye and i will try and type soon.

Friday, January 05, 2007



I hope everyone is having a great new year. Did everyone have fun on New Year's Eve? I did I went to my cousin's house as a have been for the last 10 years. it was great I got totally baked and bugged the fuck out. Watched the last 4 minutes of Dick Clark's Rockin New Year wth Ryan Seacrest, but have to say how fucking funny was it to watch Dick Clark talk. I know i am probably going to hell but I can't help myself. he sounds like Jeff the Drunk from The Howard Stern Show. well anyway I just wanted to say Happy New Year to all the people that post on my blog, Pink, Chelle, G_man, and Frank. Looking forward to post with you guys soon. God, that sounded so gay.

Monday, November 13, 2006


Abc "LOST"

Is it me or does Lost suck. I have been one of those faithful and loyal watchers but I just can't take it anymore. The show just sucks!!! Who in there right fucking mind would crash land on an island, be stranded for 4 months, then find a sail boat and instead of SAILING to civilization use it to scout a search and destroy mission to the other side of the island to go hunt for the "OTHERS". Fucking Bullshit, that's all it is, until last Friday. I was at a party and a friend of mine said something that made perfect sense. He said "They were all dead" and they can't leave until they realize that they fucked up in real life and made somekind of effort to make it right. Like Mike, Echo, and the brother and sister did. If that is what is going on then I can except that and watch in wonder, but if that is not the case then I can't wait until the show tanks. The fact that they now have action figures just make me laugh. I am declaring now if anyone buys any of them ARE LOSERS and need to get a real life. Everyone know Echo and Hurley are the only characters worth watching, and they just killed Echo and have not done anything with Hurley in a long time. I am so happy they when I hiatus.


The Poker Gods Suck

Ok, I know I am going to piss off the poker gods by my comments but I have to say the crazy action at my monthly poker game has been the thorn in my side. I have been playing pretty good poker of late and the breaks I am getting are even baffling my fellow poker friends. I have to chalk it up to the Poker Gods are out to get me and in response I just have to say one thing to them "FUCK YOU POKER GODS MY YOU ALL ROT IN POKER HELL".


A Note on Message Boards

Can I just say that message boards suck shit. My wife goes on a few message boards having to do with our problem of not getting pregnant. The issue lies with her unfortunately (life would be easier if it was me)and because of that she goes on these message websites. Talking to woman with the same problems by posting messages, and then waiting a day or so for them to respond. Now I understand the whole reasoning behind it. But what really fucking pisses me off is when she rushes me to get ready or to stop doing something that I am interested in. Then she gets on the computer and is on there for hours leaving posts to complete strangers, and when I am ready to go she makes me wait because she is responding to posts that were left for her. I think it is fucked up that she puts these strangers and there posts in front of me.



Ok, I finally took the time to find out my fucking username. I wrote it down so I won't lose it. Now G_MAN can finally stop giving me shit and calling me a loser for forgetting my username and password. Now on with the comments read above.

Friday, July 28, 2006



OK today is the big day. The 2006 World Series of Poker started today. I now most of you could not give a shit, but for degenerate Texas holdem wannabes like my self it is a big day. So good luck to the players and I am rutting for the underdog, and Phil Ivey.

Thursday, July 13, 2006


OK Here is My Backyard

Ok I found the backyard pics, AND yes I know the grass is not mowed but these were taken the day we got back from the cruise. Since these have were taken I did mow the grass. Now you all tell me, if you had put the time, money(a lot of it), and sweat to make your backyard look like this wouldn't you want to have parties all the time??? Please let me know what you think.


The Guest List

Ok, I did the guest list yesterday and there is a total of 64 people. See I was right on the mark with my previous guess of 50 to 60 people. I brought it home and left the spreadsheet right by the door and to my amazement she did not say one word about it. I am going to make up the invitations today Chelle you have to let me know were you want me to sent it.


My Rebuttal to Chelle Comment

Ok, Chelle here is my rebuttal. YOU make a VERY GOOD point, and I agree in everything you said about prepping for the party. In response, point of fact I am the one who cleans the house, the only thing I don't do is dust. I am the one vacuuming the floors (wash if needed, mostly hardwood), cleaning the kitchen, resealing the granite counters, doing the dishes, cleaning both bathrooms (because according to my wife I have more arm strength to scrub the toilet), and you have to remember I did own an Italian restaurant do I do most of the prep work. She like to make the salad and the cold pasta (usual w/pesto). Plus the outside stuff even thought I just hired a landscaper to do the lawn and beds. I always do about 75% of all the work before the party, and I don't mind doing it at all in fact I do enjoy it, but she still bitches. You are 100% right when you said she "probably enjoys the party once it starts" can you believe that??? So what I want to know is how the fuck do I avoid all the bullshit that she does before the party???

I have pics of the backyard id you want to see them???

Wednesday, July 12, 2006


The Smoking Thing

OK, I am totally beside myself. I finally did it, I finally quit smoking. I quit cold turkey on June 1st 2006. After 13 years of my girlfriend now wife nagging me all the fucking time, "when are you going to quit", "when are you going to quit", "I am really worried about you". I finally quit smoking for the good of my health first and for most. The other reasons were so I would not have to hear the nagging, and not just from her. From my family, co-workers, friends, people I deal with as part of my job. So as not to jinx myself I did not want to announce to the world that I quit the moment I decided to just in case I started up again. I figured I would give myself a week or two before I started telling everyone. My thought was my wife was going to notice within the first 2 or 3 days, and then the cat would be out of the bag. To my surprise my wife did not notice with in 2 or 3 days. In FACT she finally figured it out 2 Saturdays ago when we were on the cruise. She went a whole month and a day before it dawned on her. And even then she asked me in question format, "honey, did you quit smoking?". Not, "honey, I can't believe it took me this long to realize you quit smoking I am so proud of you, we have to celebrate tonight with no holds bared". That would have at least been worth not telling her. In fact none of my family have notice yet either, and there as been over 4 family get togathers, and we have spent a bunch of time over the houses Individually. The only person that noticed pretty much right away was Sue from my job, but she said she did not want to say anything as to not bring up or talk about it because it is a hard thing to do. To other friends/co-workers have notice, frank, and Tom and that's it. it has been over 6 weeks and still none of my family as figured it out. All the fucking bitching, moaning, and nagging and it took over 4 weeks for my wife to even figure it out. It just goes to show you that no matter how much you significant other says something is bothering them. Most likely they are just nagging about it because they can and not because it is really bothering them. When I would smoke in the car with the window opened and the tip of the cigarette sticking out of the window, my wife would start coughing like crazy and tell me its the cigarette. Or how about went we were on the couch watching a movie setting side by side and she would bitch about the smoke, or how she would say that all her cloths smell like smoke. Since I quit she has not even noticed that the quote, unquote smell is not in her cloths anymore or when we kiss she did not say you don't taste like cigarettes. Its all bullshit, it was just an act to piss me off and nag me about the smoking.

P.S. I still do not smoke nor do I plan to start again I just thought it was an eye opener to my wife's bitching and nagging.


The (UN) Social capped Crusader Strikes Again

As I stated in my post about my wife claiming to be a very social person (see "ok I am back)as struck again. I am calling her the "Social capped Crusader" because every time I want to plan something she is right there to crusader for its demise. Yesterday as I was in the process of setting up the volleyball net in the rain for this weekend I mentioned to her that I was thinking if having a party on the 5th of August. Now this is something I had told her about WAY BACK in Feb., or Mar., but now that the time is near and the details have to be thought out. I thought I would mention it to her and get her feedback on what she wanted to do. STUPID ME, not realizing she had changed into her "Social capped Crusader" mode, attacked with multiple shells of doubt and despair about the party. Oh one thing I forgot to mention is: we are having a party this weekend for my mother's birthday, let me repeat WE ARE HAVING A PARTY FOR MY MOTHER'S BIRTHDAY. Which, when I mentioned the party on the 5th of Aug. She said and I quote "but you are have a party this weekend", for what ever reason the Social capped Crusader thinks having a party for my mother's birthday let me repeat MY MOTHER'S BIRTHDAY is the same thing as having a summer party with your friends and close co-workers. That was the first thing out of her mouth. The second was "WHY????", the third was "well, how many people are you inviting?" and my responses were because I want to have one, and I did not get that far yet, but what does it matter.

(What everyone who is reading this has to understand is, I don't know that many people in the first fucking place. Even if I invited everyone I considered a friend and would want to be at the party, there would only be 50 to 60 people, and that number includes about 22 kids with ages from 6 months to 10 years old. Take into consideration that normally you have between 20 to 30 percent that RSVP that they cant make it for whatever reasons, that leaves 42 people total with kids. I also know that unfortunately my cousin maybe away the week, and there are 5 people in his family, my other friend will be on his honeymoon that's another 3, my other friend just had knee surgery and most likely won't make it that's another 3, my brother-in-law will be out on his boat that's another 2, my niece and her future husband will be working on their house that's another 2, and I can think of 2 families that even if I invite them probably would not come because of the amount of kids they have that's another 10. So how many does that make total 27 people out of 60 and I have not even set anything in stone yea, and I am down half of the total number of people)

so I told the Social capped Crusader that I did not want to talk about it any more and I just wanted to finish putting up the net for volleyball court. We were in the garage at the time I brought the whole Aug. 12 party thing in the first place. So she went in the house and I finished putting up the net. I came inside and started cooking diner for myself it was about 7PM at this point. Since I got home at 5PM I ran to Sears to get hardware for the net and I got 4 bags of weed and feed for the grass, can back from Sears and put down the weed & feed, mounted the hardware onto the poles for the net, set up the net with the rest of the hardware, and installed the net to its proper height. Ok, so back to cooking myself diner in the kitchen, she comes in and starts the nagging once more, and she is saying things like: "we spent a lot of money over the last few months and I don't know if we could afford to have it", and "why are you yelling at me", oh, and my personal favorite (David Lettermann's top 10 list is going off in my head, "here are the top 10 reasons Steve should not have a party on Aug. 12", and the NUMBER ONE REASON IS: "what happens if it rains" DA DAT DAE DA DA DA DA DADADADA, tonight on the program we have Bruce Willis, and Katie Holmes.
why am I yelling will I don't know "BOB" lets see maybe because I told you I did not want to talk about it anymore and you came back in the kitchen to crusade some more about why I want to have it, or maybe its because you say something like we may not be able to afford it because of the money we spent over the last few months, but YET we just got back Saturday the 8th from a 3K cruise. If money was tight why the hell did we go on vacation? Maybe because you wanted to, I would have been fine spending the week in our backyard in our NEW pool, but no someone want to go away. Since it was you and not me that wanted to go away we COULD afford it, but now we can't afford hamburgers, hot dogs, soda, and beer for a party at our house. Even when you know that everyone is going to ask what can they bring. But maybe, just maybe, it's because I am so amazed at the stupid shit you would say to me just to try and convince me not to have a party like: "what happens if it rains" like you except me to be able to forecast the weather over 4 weeks in advance. I have news for you honey the fucking weather people can't even forecast the fucking weather 2 days in advance, and you want four weeks out of me!
so I could not take it anymore and had to walk away before I grabbed a pack of smokes and started chain smoking the rest of the night. Did I mention I quit smoking on June 1st 2006, but that is a whole other story (see above).So I look forward to your comments and your feedback on this one. Is my wife a social person or is she the killer of fun and happiness? The destroyer of backyard fun, IS SHE: THE SUMMER PARTY KILLER!!!!!!!!

Please cast your vote now?????

Tuesday, July 11, 2006



Hello everyone I am back from the cruise! It was pretty good I got to play a lot of limit Texas Holdem, and I did not do to bad. The weather was good except for the last day it rained, but it was not a bad thing as far as I was concerned. After sitting in the sun for a 5 days down in the tropics is can get to you. Although if you ask my wife she would disagree. The food was not as good as I had hoped and on lobster night they fucking served ROCK lobster. Can you believe the fucking nerve, rock fucking lobster. As far as I am concerned ROCK LOBSTER is the ghetto lobster of all lobster, and they had the nerve to serve it. So that was a big let down.
In case anyone is wondering we were on NCL Dawn out of Manhattan. It was awesome to be able to drive to the ship, park, and then drive home and not have to get on a plane. I really hate flying after all the 9/11 false sense of security bullshit. My wife was not to bad she definlly had her moments but all in all I give her a 7 on my fun meter this trip. She did say something that had me cracking up inside, she said: "she was a very social person", which if you know my wife need I say more. OK I will, LOL, my wife is the type of person who tells me IF you meet a couple on vacation and you spend a lot of time with them on the trip that's ok, but when the vacation ends you don't exchange info even if they live 10 minutes from your house. She is also the type to put limits on the number of people I want to have over for a SUMMER party. I would lets say want to ask a total of 15 to 20 people and she would start telling me right from the start "WHY DO I HAVE TO INVITE SO MANY PEOPLE", she thinks 2-4 people is more then enough. We all know that just because you invite that many does not mean all will come. They may have plans already or they may be on vacation the weekend or they may just not want to come, but my wife does not see it that way. Keeping in mind we have a fairly large house (3200 SQFT) and live on a half acre of land with a 24X40 built-in pool and a Beach Volleyball court. My wife looks at the whole thing as a lot of work and to much running around, she complains to me about how much cleaning has to be done, and how much money its going to cost and all the kids that are going to be running through the house and the mess that comes with them. I say you only live once and you can't worry about bullshit like that. Why did we spend all that money in getting our house and yard looking that way, and the fact that my wife really does not play volleyball who did she expect me to play with????? I mean I am not inviting over strangers, its not like I am putting a sign on the ultility poles for the hole world to come to an open house kegger. I am inviting friends and family, go figure. Also just about everytime I want to call friends to get together she makes a face and does not look that interested, but she claims to be a social person, go figure.

Friday, June 30, 2006


HI Everyone

It is Friday I just got a comment from Pink so I wanted to say hi. I have my poker game tonight and then I Saturday I am leaving on a cruise for a week. Totally looking forward to both and hope both go very well. I have been crazy busy with my house trying to get the outside done before summer, and I can say that the fence people were there today to put up the fencing and I should be good to go. I just need the weeds to convert to grass and I will be all done. I seeded two weeks ago and weeds can up instead of grass. I guess I waited to long, but its not like it was my fault. So the pool is done and the beach volley court is done and the driveway is done. I will take a few pictures and put them up on the site after I get back. So to all I will type to you when I return.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006


G-Mans Final Table Goal

I to have that same goal, (please see link: "") but I have not made a decision as to whether or not it is attainable yet. No one we know understands or Appreciates what it takes to get to a final table like the two of us do. Our family and friends think its stupid, a big waste of time, and an addiction. It is not an addiction, but an accomplishment that could be compared to the decisions an investment banker has to make every single day. Putting his ass on the line knowing that every Decision he makes could wreak havoc on his life. This achievement could be compared to having made the right decision 99.5% of the time over a 4 day period, not easy to do. Yes its a GAME but so is Chess, and if you ran into a world champion chess player or Bobby Fisher for that matter you would praze him and ask for his autograph. Texas holdem is not much different then chess. Both have a tournament style game play, require a lot of intellectual thinking, and most of all requires an Extreme amount of discipline that not everyone can master. Its a game that will punish you for making emotional decisions, and reward you if you could show no reaction when a Opponent does something you know is wrong. Don't get me wrong LUCK plays a huge part in it, but luck works both ways, and it makes it even harder for you to make the right decision when that decision is putting everything on the line.

OK, yes it is a GAME some people even call it a sport, and as games go its not one that is widely accepted in society. But keep a thing or two in mind before you start judging this "sport." One: no one has ever died while playing it, two: it has never insighted an riots where life and property were destroyed, three: its a game/sport that you don't have to be a freak of nature to play, its not just a sport for the top 1% of the world. Anyone can sit down and play, winning is a whole different story, four: its virtually corruption and rig free unlike all of the main stream sports play today, Five: there are no owners, managers, PR people, or contracts to Negotiate, and for the most part players are for the most part humbled to make a final table, hence the no corruption. And six: there are a lot of very very smart people that play this game we are talking MIT graduates, Mathematician, accounts, bankers, doctors, and patient attorneys. These are just a few of the obvious reasons why playing this game is not as mindless and pointless as people think. Is it safe to say that PLAYING Texas holdem is 10 times more stimulating for the mind then someone sitting down and watching baseball or football games all day long? Someone that remembers the stats of all the players in any sport is kind of useless, unless you are on a game show or playing a sports trivia game? Unless your are betting an the game the winner has no bearing on one's life, but yet people that are that obsessed with the game will argue and fight over their favorite teams. There are people that make there living on betting on sports games, and why is it totally acceptable for a person/family to take a vacation to Vegas or AC and lose anywhere from $100 to hundreds of thousands and we joke and laugh about it, but if someone plays poker when they are not at a casino it is not socially accepted. For the most part it is a hobby, and the people that play derive somekind of pleasure from it. Why is that any different from someone who collects stamps, bird watches, bowls, or goes camping for their pleasure???

On the flip side there is an opposition factor and a monetary factor that can wreak havoc on one's life and marriage, but it is no different then someone obsessed with any other hobby or sports or sports betting hobby they are involved with.


What The Fuck is Wrong With People!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK so I am driving to work today and I am on a pretty busy road. I look to my left and I see some STUPID FUCKING woman making a U-Turn with a little fucking dog in her lap. But the woman is trying to reach the steering wheel without moving or inconvenience the dog. She is reaching over the dogs head as the dog is standing on her lap looking over the steering wheel. All I kept thinking is one: she should be killed for being so fucking stupid, two: I hope the dog takes a shit or farts right in her face, and three how come it is not illegal to DRIVE with those little fucking rat-like dogs on your lap. I really think those people are such fucking losers and really need to find a man/woman instead if trying hump there dog while DRIVING. When you see that doesn't make you want to just bitch slap those people and let them know that they are the biggest losers on the planet???


Ok I had to vent that out of my system. I wish I was a cop, I would have pulled the bitch over so fast and given her every ticket I had left.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006



ok, G_man and I went to Foxwoods this past weekend and all I have to say it that it was a blood bath. I got bitch slapped all over the pokerroom. THE BITCH OF IT I PLAY FUCKING GREAT. I was raising when I should have and folding when I knew I was beat. It was the other times that this posting is referring to. Like the time I got big slick suited in the big blind when the blinds were 25/50 and one player raised to 200 and all others folded to me I went "All In" for all the fuckers chips and he still called me with his pocker 9s and beat me. WHAT KIND OF FUCKING SHIT IS THAT. For all the fuckers chips I thought I was on party poker and this was a dream. It took every ounce in my being not to reach across the table and choke that mother fucker out. On top of the fact thatwhen we started he was in the wrong fucking seat. This bitch could not even count to 8 he sat in seat 5, that mother fucker. I did want to kill him. The weekend was just fucked when it came to cards and flops I got pocket KS 3 times and only won once heads up with another player. G_man had As in hand and they got cracked 3 out of the 5 it was like a poker twilight zone that I could not wake up from.

then we gave up on tournament tables (at least I did) and played on a 2/4 limit table. That I have to say was a lot of FUN. I cant wait to do that again. Even thought there were multiple SHITHEADS at the table, if you lost it was not for a lot of money and you did not have to leave the table, which made the losing part OK in some warped kinda way. There was this really fat guy seating in seat 5 and he said he has been there since Saturday morning, now considering at the time he told us this it was about and he has been there for 18 hours straight, and just 6 hours prier to him saying that a shuttle bus drive told us a story about the crazy fuckers that would actually PISS IN their pants and all over the chair and floor (TRUE STORY TOLD TO US BY THE BUS DRIVER)at the tables. We just looked at each other and started to laugh our asses off for about 60 seconds, but it was at that moment that I had realized that I was the shithead sitting to the right if this fat fuck ( and for all that know me he was big then I was)lucky we did not smell anything all night. But the kicker to the "piss" story the bus driver told us that all management did was call over to maintance and have them clean it up and disinfect the mess, and have a chair waiting when they got up. The management would not even ask them why on earth they did it. I am sure their answer would be "If I left to use the restroom I might have missed a good hand that was dealt to me, now get me another scotch and soda biatch. HERE is the real kicker the bus driver told us that the casino would throw them out on there ass at that point, but they would in fact throw you out if you high five someone at the blackjack table. Is that not a kick in the ass.

so there was a Russian at the table and apparently he has been there for awhile and everytime someone new came to the table the big fat guy would ask them where they were from. You see the fat guy was from Boston, Mass and everytime someone would see at the table he would begin to tell the his whole fucking story (like any of us give a flying fuck) so the Russian after being there for 4 to 8 hours himself finally could not take it anymore when G_man and I sat down and after about 15 minutes he starting asking us where we were from. In the middle of his question the Russian cut him off and starting saying "oh no, no more with that fucking story I cant take it anymore, always with that dam story" keep in mind he has a thick Russian accent. I could not help to thing about the movie "Rounders" and KGB at the table with Matt Damon "THIS FUCKING GUY ALWAYS WITH THE "CHECK CHECK CHECK" HE TRAPPED ME" Again G_Man and I bust out laughing and start saying KGB's line in the movie. Which at that point everyone startlaughing including the dealer. It was a very funny moment,fuck it, I guess you had to be there.


WPT Final Table

ok, G_man and I went to Foxwoods this past weekend and all I have to say it that it was a blood bath. I got bitch slapped all over the poker room, but I will save that for my next story. This story is about the WPT final table at the Foxwoods that should air some time in July. If you watch the WPT's final tables you just might see G_man & Bluto. Just remember one thing. When you watch think "PUMPKIN" I will say it again, when you watch think "PUMPKIN". You just might have to call Charlie Brown to tell him you saw "The Great Pumpkin" first hand, and that he is alive and well, and that he is addicted to poker and loves WPT final table. That's all I have to say about that.

P.S. For the people how know this joke: "I was in this tournement and I came in 28th place it cost me $407 dollars and I only walked away with $16,000 in 23 days". KILL THIS FUCKER RIGHT KNOW DON'T LET HIM SPEAK ANYMORE, AND BURN HIS BRIGHT YELLOW CASINO SHIRT UNTIL THERE IS NOTHING LEFT.



OK sorry for the long delay. I have been very busy. Last weekend I went to Foxwoods and the weekend before that I went to PA to see my sister. And I have to say I hated the drive but there was an up side to it. On the way back I drove passed to very very hot hot Italian chicks in the car and one of them was in the middle of changing. The driver was doing about 90+ and you know I had to catch up and get a closer look. And closer look I got she had just taken off her shirt and was fumbling for a new one. She saw that I was looking and it seems to me she did not mind, and if she did not then nether did I. I did not see anything great because she never took off her bra, but I did see the driver grab the left tit of the girl changing(I think they new by then that I was looking). Its not like I did it when my wife was not around, she was sitting right next to me. And to make matters worse. My mother and Aunt were in the back seat. Hey, when you are my age and married for 9 years, and dating for over 13 what the fuck, right. When it was all over I told olive all about it.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006


THE Sopranos

I saw the second installment of the show on Monday and I have to say IT FUCKING SUCKED SO BAD THAT I AM READY TO GIVE UP ON THE SHOW. HBO took a great show and fucked it all up. Not to say that the past 4 seasons were anything to write home about, but at least it did not have the bullshit that I saw on Monday. WHAT THE FUCK IS DAVID CHASE THINKING, this is the last season, wait let me repeat IT IS THE LAST SEASON. The fact that there are only like 11 or 13 episodes in the hole fucking season you would think they would step it up. The only wise guy to get killed was by suicide. There has not been one whacking yet. I swear this show sucks I hate.

Friday, February 17, 2006


The Olympics, Judging & Competitors

Can I just say that the judging of Olympics events mainly Figure Skating is the most atrocious I have ever seen. The only pure sports left in the world are timed events. The subjective judging needs to be removed from the Olympics. I was appalled at the judging in the pairs short and long programs in figure Skating. I know what you are thinking and the answer is no I am not a homo, I tivo the Olympics so I could fast forward through all the figure skating, and bullshit sob stories. But once in awhile I would get a glimes of a figure skating hot body through her skirt and stop and watch.

But I have to say that all the subjective judging in every event really sucked this Olympics. I watched Shaun White in the Half-pipe competition, and though I think he is a fanomal snowboarded I don't think he should have got Gold with his second qualifying run. The mogul event was cool to watch like most of the events, but I don't think the guy who got Gold really had the best run. In my opinion the adopted Koran kid from the USA had a better run, and what I mean by that is his run had more difficult tricks off BOTH jumps, and his knees were perfect. While the kid who won did a bullshit back flip for gold on the first jump. When the Koran kid did that trick in his qualifying run.

Oh another thing, I think the black trash guy that one the gold in speed skating IS A FUCKING NO CLASS SHITHEAD, and should have his medal taken away for being a NO CLASS SHITHEAD. Its people like that is why a lot of black people don't get the respect they so desperately want. That fucking guy shows up and starts tell his teammates and the press that he does not care about anyone but himself because of what it took to get his self there, and that for him there is an "I" in "TEAM". They interview his mother and she start saying "oh I have to fight with the whole skating commission to get my son what he deserved. Then he wins the gold and in his first interview comes off with an attitude that you just wanted to punch him in his fucking face. I don't want to use the "N" word, but I have to say that is the first thing that cane to mind when I saw him in his interview after he won the gold medal. He is a straight-up piece of black trash, and does not deserve to be an Olympic Gold medalist representing the USA in it's purest form.

One final note the girl who lost the gold in the snowboard cross, SUCKS. She deserves all the shit she is going to get for the rest of her life. She had to show off at the end, and then she lied twice about it. The fact that she lied is why I have no remorse for her. Even the guy from the USA who won the men's Gold in that event said she was stupid to do that bullshit trick at the end.

The only pure sports out there are sports that put you up against the clock. The clock never lies and is not subjective, and not open to interpretation. PURE The Down hill was the best event going, all though I have to say I was happy to see Bode Miller fall flat on his ass in the first 3 events. I have not seen the other 2 yet, and the other US skier that one the Gold in slolem should be and inspiration to us all to never give up.


Tuesday, February 14, 2006


February Poker Night

OK 2 weeks have passed since the biggest bullshit game I have ever played in. I was as my cousin-in-law said "playing perfectly". Not making any bad decisions and slowly working my way into a money slot. Then one hand changed everything. One of the players we will call him "The Gambler" played in a pot that my brother-in-law "The Riverer" and myself was involved in. I was in the big blind and both of them just called so I checked my 6,7 suited, the flop came K,7,K. It went check all around to the Gambler, who raised 20G at that point I called him out and said "I know you are BLUFFING", but with my luck I did not want to risk getting rivered so I folded thinking he would take the pot. Not even noticing that The Riverer was still in the hand he goes all in with this last 30 or 40k. now taking into consideration that The Riverer had been playing very tight all night and folded a lot of hands you would think anybody with even the basic of skills would have folded if they were really bluffing, but to the tables surprise The Gambler call the all in. WELL, The Gambler turns over 10, 9 off and The Riverer turns over K, 7. Riverer flopped a full boat and the Gambler doubled him up.

So now that the Gambler has doubled up he has become a player in the tournment. Before that I had like 300K and he had like 60K with 4 people playing and the blinds at 10 & 20K it was just a matter of time before he would get blinded out. BUT now he was a player that could threaten the other players. About 5-6 hands later I get pocket 6s in the big blind he is in the small blind and calls. I raise 50K he calls flop comes 5,5,3 and he checks. I raise another 50K and he calls, turn is a 5 giving me a full boat. I noticed he only had like 50K left so I put him all in think he is going to fold. He called and turns over K,4 (I am thinking to myself what was he thinking) and needs a K and a K only to beat me. The river comes and sure as FUCKING SHIT it is a K. So I double him up to like 200K and I am fucking steaming but not bad enough to start making bad decisions. So about 8 hands later I am down to about 110- 150K realizing that I am getting shit cards and I went from the chip leader to a player that is about to get blinded out of the game. When I am big blind and get dealt K,4 and everyone folded except the Riverer called because he was small blind so I knock the table and we are off to the flop. Flop comes 9,9,4 and the Riverer in his usual faction checks it to me. I in-turn (thinking if he had anything he would have raised)went all in. To my SURPRISE he FUCKING CALLED ME. The first think I say to him even before he flipped over his " you got the 9 right?" he says "no, K,8" and again I am FUCKING THINKING to myself "what the was he thinking calling me". NOW had I realized then what I FUCKING know now (that I am the most unluckest FUCK on the planet) his call would have made perfect sense. Because yes as you guessed it my Brother-in-law aka The Riverer catches a FUCKING 8 at the river to knock me out of my own tournment, NO MONEY AGAIN.

If I was not there I would have not believed it but it really happened, and what makes this story really bad is that it happened to me and not someone else. Until next time, oh one more note I forgot to mention: this was the first time The Riverer ever played in a live structured Texas holdem poker tournment, and he went on to win the whole thing.

Friday, February 03, 2006


Poker Night

Tonight is the big poker game i have 10 coming. i will not win most likly but it will be a lot of fun. It is crazy on the fridays that I have the game the day goes so slow. Does that mean i should call gamblers annom.??? My brother in law is coming for the first time. along with his son my nephew. He as play once before and and got riviered with a straight to his pocket AA, it was not pretty. The funnest part was his mother told me it was going to be an easy night and easy money. He went out second, I felt bad (not) because I was the one that took him out.


The show "LOST" is lost

Can we just talk about the TV show Lost for a minute. I am so fed up with this show. When did TV go from entertaining the masses to having an agenda. I got really busy at work so I got backed up on the shows that I watch(how great are DVR) so I had like 4 of the latest shows to watch. So a few days ago I sat down and watched 4 weeks of Lost. And at the end of it all I was no more informed then I was before I watch them. Then when you talk to someone about it they are like "oh that is the best show, it is my favorite, can you believe what is going on" what the hell is that. Have we become so mindless that a show that has no real plot, no direction, and no indication that we are going to know anything more before the season ends, that we think this is the best show on TV??? And I know what your comments are going to be. You bluto but you are still watching it right, well that is the goal "to tune in". I am only watching it because this is its second season and I want to give it a chance. At this point I am ready to quit the show. And this is the reason why: finally after 2 months of being stranded they finally come face to face with the "Others" and the only thing they discuss is "hey you stay on your side and we will stay on ours" and oh " you came to our island and did not even ask" WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF SHIT IS THAT. Is it me or was that the dumbest episode ever. If it was me it would have gone something like this. Hey FUCKBAG I did not ask the fucking pilot to crash land here DICK. Do you really think I want to be in a place to come to an Island were there is a thick black monster that can read your mind and rip out trees LOL??? DICK!!!, and another thing if you want up go then make a call and have us taken off the island, DICK!!! Another thing if you are so upset about us being here why in the fuck do you keep stealing people. Or how about giving us your recently made, Fiberglas, mounted spotlight, radar sensing (when sawyer turned on there radar the others changed course in there direction) BOAT so we can get someone to rescue us. That's what I would say.
The monster is a joke the people are all shitheads (except for Hurley) they all have issues about being themselves. You and I both know the best charater on the fucking shitty show is Hurley. He is the only one that has not had an agenda. He's worth 156mil and he is a really nice guy. I think the needs a lot of help I am hearing a lot of people feel this way.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006


Pink and I Agree

The "CODES Theory" is BULLSHIT, written by Rudy. I think the CODE thing (see Comments in the "Howard Stern Post) is over stepping it a bit. Codes have nothing to do with what controls the way you think and the destiny that awaits you, that is soully controlled by the chooses one makes in ones life. In life you have a choose to do one thing or another. Another words you ALWAYS have a choice no matter what. The problem is we don't know what the right choose is until it is to late, because it has already been made. We just have to live and adjust to the results that come from the choose we made. Everything you do in life has meaning and has consequences.

Here is an ex: You come to a stop sign and CHOSE not to stop. now the consequences of the single act maybe nothing, but the fact that you CHOSE to run the stop sign gets you to the next stop sign approximately 10 seconds faster then you would have if you had stopped. Now at this one you choice to stop look both ways and continue on with your day. Unfortunately at the exact time you are crossing through the intersection a driver in a car has made there CHOICE to not stop. Resulting in a drivers side collision crippling you for life.

Now, you may think that this happened because some asshole ran the stop sign, but in fact it is your fault that you are in the situation you are in. The CHOICE you made not 5 minutes before this happened changed your life forever. No hinesight being 20/20 you would have told yourself if you had stopped at the stop sign before you would have got to the next one 10 seconds later in which the car that ran that one would be going threw the intersection as you were rolling up to the white bar.

So the coding that Rudy is talking about is false. I am not saying that DNA and RNA do not exist, they do, but has nothing to do with the point I was trying to make early.

P.S. I know I will probably get shit over my EX., but I am not saying that the second driver that ran the stop sign is at fault. They are but I was just using it as an example of the choices we make everyday in life and how the effect us in the long run. Like lets say you are delayed in buying a lotto ticket because you decided to go a different way to the place you get your ticket. Then you find out the person that was on line before you won the big jackpot. You choosing to go a different way caused you to get there 1 minute later that in-turn cost you winning lotto.

one more thing please don't think I am going through life with this on my mind all the time. However what I said can not be denied, and DNA and RNA have nothing to do with that. That has to the with the choices we make and the destiny that comes because of that choice.


Howard Stern, Censorship, and Uncle Sams Boot

Yesterday was his first day at SR (Satellite radio). And I have express my feeling on how stupid the FCC and the Politions are. They had him on somekind of leash being on free radio, but now that they pissed him off enough to go to SR they really have taken the leash off the killer pitbull of crazy sex shit. I mean the hole premise of saying "oh, well you have to pay for the SR so kids won't be able to listen to him" that maybe be true, but we all know that SR WILL be main stream within the next 3 to 5 years. I mean within that time, if not sooner SR will be standard in ALL cars not just a few hi end ones now. You will also see it build in to home receivers, boomboxes, and portables. Note I am talking (MAIN STREAM)I know they are available now I have most of it. But again I am talking main stream, ex. iPods. And now that you get XM SR with you Direct TV (because I have that to) any age can listen at anytime unless you block the channel, and lets face it who really blocks channels (bible belt) in the real world. So my point is if Sirius SR made the deal with Direct TV instead of XM you would be able to pump Howard and a hole lot more non censored shit.

Let's face it we are living in a police state people. Basic physiology tells us the more you suppress something the more it want to get out and exist. Stop the madness don't let the government take over our rights and freedoms.

Tell those Bible Belt, against abortion right fuckers to stop trying to change the world to something it could NEVER be, and to stay the fuck out of the lives of women they don't even know and have never met. They have there reasons and that is all that matters.

The humor in all of this is: in a 100 years who is going to give a shit, because those people would have never know what it was like to make there own chooses in live.



Blogger Spell Check Feature

Can I just say that the spell checker that they use on this Blog site sucks shit. I know it is my fault that I cant spell worth a shit. I don't know what I am sure I have some form of dislexica <~~~spelling, but it is not my fault i was born this way. i can get a 4 year degree in computers but i can't spell worth a shit and i never will. i have tried and tried i would sit there for minutes on end trying to sound shit out and use spell check but it just does not work out for me. just like playing lotto i play and play and play and i never win. that is the fustration in spelling that i have. i think i may need electric shock trements to fix my lotto problem. Oh did you think i ment my spelling problem, yea right that is fucking hopeless, lol. you got to laugh like i said there is humer in everything.

And another thing (after running spell checker lol) can they just take out the "Learn" option. i must have clicked it 20 times already for the word "Blog" and spell checker still brings it up every fucking time. i swear that thing is worse then me at spelling, and that is sad.


The "Mule" is mad

The Mule is mad that I nick named he "the Mule" which I don't understand because WE call each other that all the time, like every day. So in keeping with G_man's nick name of the mule(My Wife) she will now be know as Olive as in G_man's blog. Thank you and have a good day.

This has been a public service announcement, which I am sure no one gives two shits, but the mule, I mean olive.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006


Female Shaving

So I was watching the 11PM "DIRECTORS CUT", and "Naughty Amateur Home Videos" on playboy TV the other night, as I have been for quite some time now, and there is one thing that I do not fully understand. Every porn chick, (and from what I understand MOST girls/woman) now a days shave there pussy completely. Now I understand the part about being clean and feeling/smelling fresh I get that. I also understand the hole thing about less or no friction when fucking. What I don't understand is why guys now a days prefer it over having any hair. What I have a problem or two with is if your guy likes you with no hair what so ever I think he needs to be put on the pedophile list. It use to be a sign of growing up for a female or male for that matter to start to get pubic hair. Personally I could not wait for my to grow, but now the big thing is being shaved. I could see the fantasy part of it for the men wanting to fuck a girl that has been shaved (DAM HOWARD STERN) and having them grow it in. But on a permanent bases I just don't get the allure. The second thing is without hair they all look the same from the front the way a woman would trim herself use to say something about her character, in a "V", heart, landing strip and soforth, the list is endless. With no hair it looks kinda bare and ugly to me. So my question is for all the woman out there reading this. From a female's view what is the benefits of having a shaved pussy? Is there any gain on your part other then to please your man, or is there some profound feeling you get by having shaved off your bush? How long does it take for you to get it looking like an 8 year olds, and is that a turn on for you? If there are any females out there that could shed some light on this topic for me it honestly would be greatly appreciated.

And if any one is wondering the answer is YES I have been with a woman or two that shaved themselves completely clean. It was very disturbing to say the least. Call me old fashion, but I need a little hair down there.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005


The Sperm Sample Story

OK this is about the funniest fucking story you're ever going to hear. My wife and I have been trying to have a baby for about 2 years now, and back when we first started this whole baby thing. I suggested that she may have some internal shit going on that's causing her not to get pregnant. She of course flipped the whole thing around by telling me that 80% of the time (GOD DAM FUCKING MEDICAL WEBSITES) it was the Male's sperm count that causes the problem. I in-turn told her that I had "super sperm" and there's no need for testing. So she made an appointment with her OBGYN for the both of us anyway, because GOD FORBID I KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!! He in turn said I should go get tested first, (LIKE THE FUCKING MEDICAL WEBSITE SAID) because it was the least invasive test then any of the female tests that had to be performed. So me, (putting my finger to my cheek and thinking back to the movie "ROAD TRIP") said "OK I'll take one for the team", and agreed to do the sperm test. So the doctor writes a scripted for the test and off we go. Mind you, this was the middle of March in New York a very pleasant time. So the "Mule" (which will refer to my Wife when I am blogging) calls the sperm place and makes an appointment. Now because of over testing by doctors that use HMO to maximize profits, and avoid lawsuits, my wife can't get an appointment until the third week in May. So now with visions of "ROAD TRIP" still dancing in my head I have to wait like 6 weeks to drop my load for the good of all mankind. MAY is finally here, I notice that this day was exceptional nice very sunny and very seasonally FUCKING HOT, and I distinctly remember putting the A/C on full blast. The appointment is set for 4PM one day during the week, and all day the anticipation is building (visions of "ROAD TRIP" still dancing in my head) to the point that at 3:30PM I forgot to tell anyone I had to leave work early.

So the whole drive over I am thinking I wonder how much cum they're going to need? I never gave a sample before! (visions of "ROAD TRIP" still dancing in my head) I couldn't stop thinking "boy I'm glad I didn't get the chance to rub one out in the last 2 days? Or was it 3, I can't remember. So as I park my car ,and started making way to what seemed like a long walk in the still blazing sun at 4pm to the front door, I notice with the wipe of my left hand little beads of sweat on my chin. So as I walk through the office door is seams much cooler almost safe to say that the A/C was on. As I glanced around the room I thought to myself that the decor was off a little bit, (visions of "ROAD TRIP" still kind of dancing in my head) I thought I was in the wrong place! It was a small waiting area that was about 20x16, with plan hard plastic chairs that were bolted together and then to the floor. The walls were a dirty white color, and the floor was the peal and stick vinyl kind. I noticed a sign that said "Enzi Labs" over a reception window, that looked like it belonged at a 24 hour Taco Bell joint.

So I see the receptionist and she tells me to have a seat. The visions of "ROAD TRIP" dancing in my head are now starting to fade away, but I'm still thinking there's got to be a plush room in the back with a hot Sperm Nurse (that's her title) is anxiously awaiting my arrival. Five minutes goes by then ten, then 15. 22 minutes in the lobby I hear something that should not be heard right before a man is about to rub one out in a cup.

And that is: "MOMMY I NEED SOMETHING TO DRINK" said the 3 year old girl to her mother in a very loud but very whinny voice. Yes everyone there's a 3 year little girl with her very very heavy set and unattractive (NON MILF) mother now sitting in the lobby. I kept thinking, "why is she even here, and why would she bring her little girl to a place like this? About 4 minutes later I heard my name being called as the tops of double split doors swung open (picture the Wizard Of Oz) and I see 3, not one but 3, count them, one, two, three, very HOT, very young (24ish), very amazingly sexy, Nurses. So up I jumped, and skipped over to MY three very young hot Nurses for what I thought (HEY!!! A MAN CAN DREAM)might be a 4 way. At the same time the panic button had been set off inside me, and by the time I got to the doors the sweat on my chin had returned, because all I could think about is I really have to FILL THIS CUP, as not to embarrass myself in front of these HOT CHICKS. "Are you Bluto?” one of them asked, "why yes I am". "Great, please sign here and initial here" she says, so I do it, "OK thanks and here's your cup, the bathroom is over there, as she points to the waiting room restroom”. Yes, I know where the restroom is" I said I don't have to go now. Well she starts to tell me how that's where I'm going to "extract" (RUB ONE OUT) the sample. I said “are you kidding me", "no" she says, ”yes you are" I said. Wait!!! "Don’t you have like a special room in the back with DVDs, magazines, and a girl that can hit the "SPOT" if I need her to"? She says "Oh no we're not that kind of place we're just a Lab". OK, it was at that moment in time I realized what the mule was trying to tell me by saying it was just a LAB. It was also around that time I realized that the A/C was not on and it was just way cooler inside then the 89 degrees it was outside.

So being the STUD (in my mind) that I think I am. I make my way over to the LOBBY restroom. I can see the little 3 year old girl in the lobby throwing her juice container and running around to pick it up and doing it all over again. As I look across the room I notice there's only one door and all it says is "Bathroom". As I open this door I start to realize that not only has the "ROAD TRIP" vision left my head I'm realizing that I'm in HELL and the Mule put me here.

Because this bathroom was like the kind you find in a hospital room when you are checking in to a room because you need to stay overnight. It's very big very bright, and the walls are paper thin with nothing, but a bowl (with no lid) and a sink. So I start looking around for anything to base my "extraction" on, but there ain't a fucking thing, not a magazine, a book, hell I would have even taken a medical brochure at that point. There wasn't even a fucking poster on the wall with a girl on it, where’s a Budweiser poster when you need one. So the last image I have in my head of any female is the over weight lady in the lobby with her 3 year old girl throwing her bottle around.

There's not even a place to set any of the shit I have like the sperm cup, my tie, or the paper work the receptionist gave me. So five minutes go by my pants have fallen to the floor I'm leaning up against the wall with my left arm and working shit out of my Johnson with my right, and my dress shirt keeps getting in the way. So I’m pulling on my Johnson, slapping it around, rubbing my nuts. The whole time I'm trying to work the situation out in my head, "how the hell I'm I going to get this done"? I've been thinking about all the hot experiences I've had in my life time to get this fucking thing hard. I tried thinking about all the crazy times the Mule and I had crazy sex, but i was to pissed off at her because as far as i was concerned she was the DEVIL, because it's her fault I'm in this FUCKING mess. so move on to old girlfriends and I get to a point were I am starting to get a little lift off. All of a sudden out of no were and threw the paper thin walls I hear, "MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY", "I have to go potty". I had just got to a point where my hand could get a full stroke on my Johnson when torcher starts. First the door handle moves several times, next comes the incisive banging, which fucking echoed like being in the Grand fucking Canyon because the bathroom was so big. Now I didn't say a fucking word, I’m thinking maybe they'll be smart enough to realize that there's someone in the FUCKING bathroom? At this point I'm just trying to get this done I have been in there for what seemed like 2 hours (15 Min's) and I was just getting to the point where I might have to grab the cup. Now the knocks come again and again, the word "FUCK " is constantly being repeated in my head, because I start to feel my 93% Woody start to go soft, and if I don't say something I'm going to lose the whole fucking thing. So I shout "someones IN here", ”MOMMY, I HAVE TO GO POTTY MOMMY" I hear from the 3 year old RIGHT OUTSIDE THE FUCKING DOOR. "OK honey come here", there's silence for a moment and the knocks come harder and louder, and I know it’s the FUCKING fat Bitch that brought that little Monster. So I said it again (because i must have said it in Spanish the first time) "SOMEONE IS IN HERE, DAM", very sternly. Now she wants to have a full blow conversation on how much longer I think i will be? And in my life if you would have told me one day I would be in a bathroom, with DICK in hand, having a conversation with a fat ugly mother try to get her 3 year old daughter in to go POTTY!!! I would have said your CRAZY and bet the house on that and I would have lost. So the mother is telling me through the door "I think you've been in there long enough and what you are doing is RUDE", little did she know. so i say nothing and continue to jerk my Johnson, "do you know how much longer you're going to be?" she says, "A little while longer" I say, "well I have a little girl that have to go to the bathroom" she says, "I kinda of figured that" I say, "OK if you can please hurry" she says, "OK I'm trying" I said. NOW forgetting the fact that my fucking dick is as dead as a door nail by now! I have a bigger problems, at this point the fucking fat bitch and 3 year old are in my head, and there here to stay, and oh my DICK is all chafed and RED due to all the excessive jerking, and did I mention the soap in the bathroom was made of powder. So at that point I needed to sit down. So I take a seat on the bowl with no lid and I did what any man would have done by now. I rolled up my sleeves and started the whole process all over again. Fifteen minutes later I'm to the point that I'm going to blow, and at his point I don't even care about how much cum I get out let alone filling the fucking cup. I just wanted to get done and get the hell out of there. So here it comes all that work and it’s about to pay off, and BAM I get about three drops which most of I had to scrap off my shaft, but I didn't give a fuck at that point. I got my pathetic sample, and I just wanted to get the hell out of there.

So I start to clean up and realize I have been sweating so bad that my shirt was so drenched with sweat it's see through. So here I am walking out of the bathroom with a specimen cup that was still clear in color, my shirt soaking wet that you could see my nipples, one tail of it hanging out, and I'm beat red from the heat. As I opened the door I notice that the lobby has gotten full with people wait to give whatever the fuck they came there for, and the looks I'm getting from people would be enough to drive the sanest man straight to the bar.

I hand off my sample to the hot 24ish tech behind the Wizard of Oz doors, apologized for the peddle little amount I was able to muster up and ran the hell out of there. So the moral of this story is: never ever ever go to a FUCKING LAB to give a sperm sample. Always do the deed at home and bring it to them within one hour of "extraction", and you'll be much better off and would avoid all the therapy I needed after that very unforgettable day.

By the way it was like I said, I have” super sperm" and the problem lied with the mule.


I am an Uncle

Ok everyone I am an Uncle. His name is Alex and he is quite the little man. He loves to crawl and pull my hair.
He currently lives in PA and is almost 2 years old.


My First Posting

Ok, Bluto has his own blog. Can't promise the spelling is going to be right or that it's going to make sense to anyone. But I can tell you that it should be pretty funny. Oh no comments about my spelling, unfortunately my highly intellectual brain works a hell of a lot faster then my fingers. So if it aint spelled right fuck it and figure it out biatch.

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